God's Plan for Parents

The title of the message is: “God's Plan for Parenting.” God's plan for parenting.

This past week we were at the Shepherd's Conference. And there were about 5000 men there – which is amazing to sing songs in praise to the Lord God with so many men. Pastors, church leaders, some men from our church went as well. Words to describe it would be: refreshed, filled, food, more food, fellowship. We were recharged and restored. Invigorated for Jesus Christ, fortified, motivated. I'm so thankful for a church that makes a way for its leaders to go to things like this. So that we can pour into you as you have provided and poured into us through this conference.

I saw many friends. For some it had been so long. I didn't even recognize some of the seminary students I had classes with. Men from other countries. Ethiopia, one of my friends is over all of the churches in that entire country (that are conservative) – about 13,000 churches. And so, when you go and you think, I've got a big weight, and then I see him, I'm like, okay, I'm good. I'm good. 13,000 churches. His job is to train the pastors of those churches. And he is encouraged. We are most blessed to be taught the Word of God, to be equipped with the Word of God, to be invigorated by God's grace in this life. It's such a refreshing time, but not all times are like that.

Sometimes we are overwhelmed and tired. And our vision is a little blurry. Not sure what step we should take next. But we have this truth that Jesus alone can give us rest. Jesus alone is our hope, as we just sang: “I set my hope on Jesus.” And then we sing this great song which will sing for all of eternity: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.” And we know that we have these truths to sustain us in all things in life – in great triumph and in despair. Jesus alone is our light and our salvation. He is our way, he is the truth, he is the light. Jesus alone is the path that we must follow and we must seek Jesus above all things. And I ask you, is Jesus the pinnacle of your life? The total of your joy? Is he the one that you long for and the one that you desire above anything else in life?

We need a Person not a formula. We need a Person, not a method. A divine person, God himself. He is the way. HE is the way. HE is the truth, and HE is the life. And as we learned at this conference, and as you already know, Truth will Triumph. We heard an amazing message from Abner Chou on Daniel 7. You should listen to it; it'll blow your mind how accurate Scripture has been for thousands of years. Predicting the rise and fall of many nations. And yet we know that God will bring everything under his feet. We don't have to wonder if truth will triumph but sometimes it seems like the windshield is just fogged over and we're not sure what direction we're going. But truth will triumph not only in this world but in our lives. If Jesus is the truth – and he is – and Jesus lives inside of me, then the truth is always near. And it will triumph in our homes, as well. And that's really what we're going to talk about today, is the triumph of truth in our homes as we consider God's plan for parenting.

And this is the first point that we must consider: “Parents Who Please the Lord.” Parents who please the Lord. And as I've kind of prefaced a few of you that I got to talk to you this morning, you need to remember that you can always start today to put one foot in front of the other. You are not responsible for the outcome of anyone's life except your own. But you are responsible for how you have lived in front of others. And God's plan, when a mom and a dad get saved, is for that family to have a new purpose. And if you are a single parent, the plan is for you to fulfill all that God has called you to. And if you're saved and your spouse isn't, it's for you to live God's glory out on full display. And if you're a child, you will have much instruction this morning. And if you're single, you can hear how you are to live as a parent later, if God so wills. But you can also apply all of these principles in your life, to bring about God's glory for you right now.

And that is the plan: to bring glory to God. It doesn't change when we get children. The plan remains the same: to worship and glorify the Savior, to love him and serve him and desire to please him – in all of the things in life of which he has made us stewards. And as parents, that is our children and each other in life. So, we live not only to the glory of God, but we want our families to live for the glory of God. Not for the glory of our families, but our families to live for the glory of God. Some have that reversed. Not to the glory of mom or dad or the demanding child or grandparent, but to God and God alone shall we live and give glory.

MacArthur says, “It is difficult to see how Christianity can have any positive effect on society if it cannot transform its own homes? Right? Having managed your household well as a qualification for elders. Not trying but doing. And so, this brings us to our knees as parents and we see, where does our help come from? And we are reminded, it comes from the Lord. Our help comes from the Lord. When a parent lives under submission to Christ, there is a new power that enters a home. As Pastor John says, “The Holy Spirit provides the power for a family to be what it ought to be.” Not to live in perfection, but to please Christ with our hearts and minds and soul. With all of our strength to love the Lord God. To aim for the target that he has set. This indeed is a family that loves God. Parents choose specifically if they will submit to the plan and the power that God provides. If that is not happening daily, and then the parent asks the child to submit to them, but the child clearly sees the parent is not submitting to God. It is a recipe for disaster. At a very minimum confusing to the child.

Parents must daily die to themselves, not die, but die to themselves. And put on the characteristics of God's gracious and wonderful and encouraging and invigorating plan. As we have seen in Colossians chapters one through three, all the way up through Colossians 3:17. That is the context and the setting as Paul writes to the Colossians, this church whom he's never met. This is instruction for all people, all Christians, to follow God. And he wants us to live in that way to put off sin and to put on Christ. Then he gives us just all we can handle, right? In Colossians 3:18, for wives to submit to their husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. He moves on husbands, right, love your wives, as Christ loved the church, and do not be harsh with them [Colossians 3:19]. That's all we can handle sometimes.

And as we instruct our children, we need to remember that if Paul just gave us one quick sentence, sometimes we might want to taper it down a little bit as we instruct our children all day long. This submissive pattern of submitting to Christ, of remembering who Jesus is, in chapters one and two, and how amazing he is. Some of the most magnificent verses about the deity of Christ in all of Scripture in Colossians one and two. And getting into chapter three how we shall live, and then this submissive pattern that is demonstrated in the home for wives and husbands.

Then we come to Colossians 3:20. In this loving, encouraging environment. Look, there if you would, Colossians 3:20. I'm reading out of the ESV. And if you need a Bible, there's one under a seat nearby. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Now think with me about the all-consuming directive in that verse [Colossians 3:20], “Children, obey your parents in everything.” I mean, that's pretty straightforward, right? Pretty straightforward. The only biblical condition is that you don't need to obey your parents in sinful directives. So, if your parent asked you to do something sinful, you do not need to obey that, for you obey God. It has been this way from the beginning. Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother.” One of the 10 commandments. That “honor” means to respect and obey. When you honor someone's wishes, you honor what they've asked of you.

Jesus repeated this command in Matthew 19:19, to the rich young ruler, as he says, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” And the rich young ruler is looking for commands. “What do I need to do to inherit eternal life?” Not, “How do I inherit it?” But, “What do I need to do?” And so, Jesus obliges, and he just says, “Keep all the commandments.” And he says, “Honor your father and mother.” And the guy says, “I've done these things.” And then Jesus says, “Go and sell all you have,” because he loved money. But Jesus repeats this command about honoring your father and mother. It's in the Old Testament, and the New Testament. And it's before the cross. It's in the time of Christ. It's after the cross. But we don't want to create a confusing environment for our children.

And so, consider the following three examples. Home number one: the parents are very good at their jobs. They both work. The nanny or daycare takes care of the children during the day and when the parents get home, they are tired, cranky, and often have less than an hour of patience and joy in them. What view of God's plan is that sending?

Home number two: the parents are not very good at their jobs. They both work. The grandma takes care of the kids because they don't have enough money for daycare. When the parents get home, they assume leadership in the home, take care of dinner, bedtime, play with the kids and talk of their love for Jesus and privilege to serve him. Their patience is unending. And the wife even longs to be “a worker at home,” according to Titus 2:5. They don't do everything right but what's the view of God's plan in that home?

Or home number three: the dad works and the mom stays home. The dad is disinterested in the kids, even as they grow through the teenage and college years. The mom is kind but wants the children to be self-sustaining as they get older. Not bugging her. The home is peaceful but relationships are mostly based on screen time. Compartmentalized into their own likes and interests. Little depth of God is discussed. What view do these children have, in these three different homes?

I mean, Proverbs 31 paints a picture of a wife who works and takes care of her children. So, the daycare is not the problem. Both parents working is not the problem. It's the ownership of the responsibility of the stewardship that God has given us, that would be the problem in these three homes. That the Word of God dwelling in you richly is not given much time of day to come out. You see, we teach our children many things each day. We teach them what is important to us, how to get along with us. And they know what the lines are. At home, they know. When dad yells, that's the line. They don't know where the line is until dad yells, that's the line. Or when mom retreats into a room and says, “I've had enough.”

Now you take all these situations exactly the way they are. You don't change jobs, you don't change responsibilities, you don't change roles, you don't change anything. And you add to it God's plan, and it changes and transforms everything, instantly. There is not time for years of submissiveness to get all these things together, it can happen instantly, it can happen very quickly. And you infuse forgiveness into these situations and you demonstrate forgiveness to your family. That they know they're not perfect. And then the parent tells the child, “I am not perfect. I am not living the way God wants me to. This is the standard. Let me describe it for you. And I was living this way and you need to live like Christ over here. And Christ says that when we sin, we need to ask for forgiveness. And I just want to tell you, I've sinned against you.”

And then you talk about grace after you've demonstrated it. That is a home where the light shines brightly. That is a home where the light shines brightly, where forgiveness is willing to admit when we're wrong. To confess our sins to one another. To not hold grudges and get bitter. We spend lots of time with each other inside the home. This home where forgiveness and grace abound, this home demonstrates grace visibly. This home has hope. This home has now recognized their need for transformation. And they're all moving in the same direction. This home has a ray of light in it. This home has recognized they are not following God's plan in many ways. But they are willing, they are willing. They might not be equipped with godly patterns and habits yet but they're willing. They recognize they've made mistakes but they're willing.

Let me let me ask you parents, are you willing? Are you willing to be molded by the potter? Are you willing to please the Lord? Notice in Colossians 3:20 that the children are told how to please the Lord. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Is it just the children who please the Lord through obedience? You see a parental plan without God just isn't a good one. And it's not just inside the home that we have to shine the light brightly. They're bombarded outside the home as well. Life is very confusing. It's very confusing. We send our children to school. Tell them not to lie or cheat on tests. And then the teachers are told to lie to the parents about the children's preferred pronouns. Don't lie on your test just lie to the parents. That's going on right now.

And at home, if you're homeschooling, and you send the signal to obey mom and dad. But you're not obeying God. Your children see that every single day and it creates this confusing environment. The government says to pay our taxes, right? Get those taxes in, we're supposed to do that. It's your favorite time of year. I know, it's mine too. I’ve already done my taxes this year. Praise God for the privilege to obey God and obey the government. Right? And everybody said, “Amen”? Alright, alright. But we see our nation going into debt, as we're told to pay our taxes and not go into debt by not paying our taxes. The world says to follow the science and the evolution. That is unless you're talking about gender, and then you're supposed to not follow the science. It's a hypocritical world. And in the home, we need to admit, we're hypocritical too. Sometimes we say, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ,” and the kids go, “Can you please tell me when that last was?” Right? And when we point them to Jesus, and they need to see Jesus in us, and they're looking really hard. And we need to point it out when we're not doing right.

And it's very clear that they're to obey us in everything. We got that locked in; we only need to hear that once. But we should have the same vigor to obey God. In the same way that we want our children to obey us. So let me ask you again, parents, are you willing? You see we need to clear up the confusion at home. And it starts with mom and dad. It starts with mom and dad.

A couple weeks ago, I preached on Colossians 3:18. Right, ladies? When the family hears a sermon for you, they are watching you to see if you're going to do that or not. And they will be encouraged as they see you put forth the hard work and effort to change to allow God to work in and through you to change you for his glory. Husbands, last week was your favorite sermon. I got a lot of cheering two weeks ago, but not a lot of cheering last week, guys. Are we willing to do the hard work to love our wives and ask them, “Am I loving you? Does my love look like Christ?” And when they see that change in us, it encourages them. Men, if you want to encourage your wife, obey the Lord.

So, if we want our children to obey Colossians 3:20, and everybody said “Amen!” to that. We want to put into practice Colossians 3:18-19, as well. Let me just be clear about something as we're talking about this. We could think that if we have a perfect family that you know, it's got Deuteronomy 6:4 posted on the fridge. And we tie little tassels on our clothes, and we've got stickers and buttons that point us to Jesus. That our kids are just going to follow the Lord. But let me ask you, how is someone saved? Are they saved through your miraculous parenting or through the miracle of Jesus Christ? Are they saved by the grace of God or the grace of mom and dad? We didn't die on the cross. We can't save them.

The only thing we can do is teach them to take responsibility for who they are. And that starts by us taking responsibility for who we are. So, as we demonstrate the gospel – that we are sinful, and that we are in need of Jesus to save us. And now that we're saved, we're in need of Jesus to continue to sanctify us. As they see that sanctification and, “Wow, I mean, two years ago, Dad was just, you know, like a roaring lion walking around, seeking someone to devour. And now he's like, you know, Gentle Giant, what happened?” And you can say, “Well, I decided it was time to submit to Jesus in that area of my life.” And we talk to them about the gospel because we need the gospel so much. It makes it easier for them to understand salvation by grace. It makes it easier for them to understand how they are sinful. Just like mom and dad, how they need grace, just like mom and dad. And how they can see mom and dad submitting to Jesus Christ in every area of their life.

We can make it harder or easier. But parenting doesn't save anyone. And in our circles, we can think if we line it all up – dad is doing all of the Bible reading, and the singing hymns at home every day – that it's just going to produce the little children. As though the proverb that says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it,” is a is a truth for all people of all times. Forgetting it's a proverb. And you’re going to think, “Well, I, I must have done something wrong.” Yeah, well, we all did something wrong in our parenting, about every day. But God's grace is greater. So don't let anyone tell you that your children don't know Jesus because of you. They don't know Jesus, because your children have sinful hearts that need the grace of God like everyone else. And we need to point them to Jesus Christ. If you think that your parenting saves your children, you believe another gospel.

You say, “This is a tall task, Dave. This is a tall task.” Well, God's the one that set the bar at holiness. He's the One who told us to be good stewards of all he has given us. Including these precious children, who we want to do everything possible to lead to the Lord. How do we do that? We do that by the power of the Holy Spirit. We do that by the power of God in our lives. You say, “There's just so many decisions, and I am so sinful sometimes, and there's just too many decisions. And I just don't know how to make godly decisions.” That's okay. Colossians 2:3 says in Christ “are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.” In Christ.

See, if we try and trust in ourselves, for the best plan, and we forget to follow God's plan, then we're going to be at the end of our wisdom quickly. But if we're following God's plan, there is no end to his wisdom. And we can have the treasure, the abundance of wisdom, at our fingertips. By his Word, by his direction, at the leading of the Holy Spirit. And we can live lives that are abundant in the fruit of the Spirit. The love, the joy, the peace, the patience, the kindness, the goodness, the faithfulness, the gentleness, the self-control. That's a singular attribute of the Holy Spirit, by the way; that can come through in our lives. This pleases the Lord in our lives. And we want to demonstrate that to our children. We’re their teachers, we’re their disciplers.

The church comes alongside the parents in classes, in fellowship, in here to help the parents train up their children to love the church, to submit to God's leadership in the church. To submit to God's leadership in the home, so that they obey their parents. And the church comes alongside to try and equip and train the parents in the most wonderful job they have. Second to loving God, second to loving their spouse. Children are not the pinnacle of the home. And so, we demonstrate what it looks like for a parent to please the Lord.

The second point is: “Children Who Please the Lord.” Children who please the Lord. [Colossians 3:20] “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” A child is one who lives at home. That changes from century to century. That changes. Look up kids in the coal mine. We have laws against that now, but it changes, right? Kids who go off to war, the age changes. Mary and Joseph. I don't know a single conservative scholar that thinks they were over 18. Traveling, like 80 miles together. Just think about all the fences we put up, that story alone will tear down all of the fences we have in Christian parenting. God's plan for them was to travel together to a different city. Around age 13, Joseph may have been older. They grow up fast. And every grandparent smiles. And every child in the throes looks at their little baby. And it's just an amazing stewardship that we have.

Typically, a child is one under 18 in the United States, and this relationship changes as the children get older. And you just call your 18-year-old “a boy,” and he'll look at you and remind you, “No, I'm no longer a boy, dad.” And the relationship changes from directives to influence. Yes, you are always a parent, but God commands them, parent, to leave you. Not to stay in your home permanently, to leave you, to cling to their spouse.

To obey here, means “to conform,” to conform. The parent-child relationship is not mutually submissive. Right? We all get that too. It's like innate in us, as parents. What did I tell you to do? Right? And they get that, the children hear that loud and clear over and over again. And as I said, so long as we don't ask the child to sin. They are to conform. Children, you need to listen to and obey your parents. Watch their lives closely, as they obey Christ. But obey them because you want to please the Lord. How do you want to please God? If you want to please God, you can please God every single day in conforming to the wishes of your parent. And it's up to your parents to not overburden you with commands, things to do.

I remember thinking through this, as I'm going through this curriculum called, “Parenting for Life” – which I would suggest you guys do, we have copies of it in the library. If you want a copy, just let us know. We'll give you one. And it's telling the parents about your child and how they need to obey, in everything. But then they're like, “Don't tell your kids to go get your slippers.” If you tell your kids to go get your slippers and they disobey, they are sinning by simply not getting your slippers. You don't want that burden on your children. Then I thought, “Oh, wow, there's a whole lot of things I got to stop saying: ‘Can you get me that drink off the counter?’ ‘Can you bring that juice to me?’ ‘Can you get me this or get me that?’” As though they’re are slaves. They are not our slaves. We are slaves of Christ. But they are not slaves of us.

And so, we have to be calculated. And think of it this way, with every sentence to our children, we’re teaching them what we think good parenting is. So that when they are parents one day, if the Lord provides that for them. They're going to do the same or they're going to go, “I'm not going to do what mom and dad did.” And who hasn't thought that? “I'm going to do it way better than they did. Because I'm messed up. And I don't want my kids to be messed up.” Right? And so, we all think we're going to take the good and leave out most of all the rest. And then new parents find their sinful too.

Children, this is very straightforward. It's not complex. There's no deep theology here. It's just obedience out of love. John 15, the eve when Jesus was betrayed, he's teaching his disciples. He calls them “friends.” And he's trying to teach them this relationship between love and obedience. And so, he demonstrates from his own life, how he put this into practice. John 15:8-9, “By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” Jesus, to his disciples: “I've loved the Father. And I've loved you. I've loved you in the same way that I have loved the Father. Abide in my love, remain in my love.”

Do you hear that nurturing relationship coming through to these disciples, whom he at times had to rebuke? Who, just a few hours later, would all leave him. Do you hear that nurturing love? He knows they're leaving; he knows they're going to run away at his greatest moment. He knows when he's praying in the garden, and he's doing the high priestly prayer in John 17, they're going to be sleeping, they're exhausted, and they're going to sleep in his greatest time of need. And he says, “Abide in my love, remain there. This is where you want to be. Stay there.” John 15:10-11, how do I stay there? “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love.”

The Father is the one who wanted Jesus to go to the cross. In his humanity, Jesus is saying, “Father, this is what you want me to do? You want my flesh to get ripped off my back?” If your relationship with your father is strained, if you don't believe that he loves you, you're going to question what he asks you to do. Do you see the connection between obedience and love? You must be fully convinced of the Father's love to obey him in all things. Parents, do you see that connection? That the children must have no doubt of your love for them. None.

Is that it? This is it? Look in verse 11, what's the result of this way of life? John 15:11, “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” Love for God produces obedience to God, which produces a life full of joy. “Obedience” is a bad word in our culture, as MacArthur preached on. Do you see how society wants to destroy the joy in your life? If they can just get you to think, disobedience is the path to joy, they've got you. In the home, at work. “I'm going to submit to God but not these commands. I'm going to do maybe these couple over here because I've seen the benefits of those. But I don't see the benefit of these. So, I'm not doing that.”

What if Jesus would have done that? “Not your will, but mine be done.” What if he would have said it that way? But that's not what he did. He knew the pain that was on the way, he knew the suffering that was on the way. But he also knew the joy, the eternal joy, it would provide to you and to me and to all who would trust in Jesus Christ for their salvation. That that joy would be full. Children, as you see your parents obey God out of their love for him. So, you out of love for God, should obey your parents. Let me say that again, as you see your parents obey God out of love for him. So you children, out of love for God, obey your parents. This is the key because God is always loving. And when things are rough at home, you still obey the loving God and you demonstrate that love out of obedience to your parents.

In John 15:11, he says, “that my joy may be in you.” That's what we call a purpose clause. Do this, with this result. That's the purpose. It's driven by love and joy, fruit. We, we had a couple of lessons by John Piper, at the conference. And I mean, I was in the overflow section. There's only a few thousand that fit in the worship area and there's more in the tent. And then we were in the gym, which they convert to classrooms. And Piper's up there on three big screens. And he is always talking about joy. And you can see it in his eyes. When he looks at the Scripture, his eyes just light up. And in his stature, his joy is like pouring over the pulpit to us. He’s just like, do you see the wonder of God? Do you see the joy of God in the Scriptures? When you live the Scriptures and you experience the joy, you preach the joy. And he's saying, “Do you see the joy in the Scriptures that truth will triumph in our lives?” And he's just smiling from ear to ear. “That my joy may be in you,” is a reality. And you can see it in men like that when they preach.

Well, the fathers get another zinger in verse 21. Not my plan, it’s God's plan. Look in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Why is that? Well, you're the leader of the home. You want to be the leader? Here you go, you get another verse for you. “Do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” And here's where wisdom is applied in parenting. This is where we let God direct our day so that we can serve his desires and not our own. And parents know they are in charge but sometimes we use that stewardship from God to serve our own purposes. You know, when you have given a directive, and you don't want to hear anything except “Yes, daddy.” Right? You don't want to hear anything. Right? “Go, and clean your room.” And all you want to hear is, “Daddy, I was hoping you'd say that.” Right?

And I know your children all do that when you ask them to clean their room, or practice their instrument, or whatever. And we know if they don't obey, we just get a little louder. Right? Some of you start twitching when I do that. We just get a little louder. Daddy has drawn the line. He didn't really mean it over here. But now he really means it. And we teach them to not listen to us the first two times. But when he says the third time – start running, start doing. That's not love out of obedience. But we amp up the volume to make them submit until the volume doesn't do anything anymore. Then what are you going to do? Your kids look you in the eye and say, “Yeah, the volume doesn't work anymore.” That's convicting, right? Should have been convicting years ago.

But in these cases, the parents should be patient and meek as Colossians 3:12 commands. We’re patient. “Would you clean your room?” “Is this a directive or a question? Do I get to decide if I'm doing that?” “No, go clean your room.” “Alright. When do I have to clean my room?” “Right now.” “When you say, ‘Right now,’ do you mean like? … because you said we were going to church 20 minutes ago. I'm not sure what you mean by right now.” You know, they push your buttons. We train them to push our buttons. And we simply must not go for outward behavioral conformity. I mean, that pleases us. It pleases us, nonetheless. “Daddy, I'll clean my room and yours. Because you don't ever clean yours. And I will clean it for you.” “Oh, thank you.” Right?

But we aim towards behavior more often than the heart. And I know you know, if you've studied any parenting at all, you got to aim for the heart. And you say, “How do I get to the heart?” You know how to get to the heart. You know. If we don't aim for the heart, their rooms are clean, but their heart stays dirty. If you don't aim for the heart, they may eat their food, but their heart will be malnourished. For older children, or adult children living at home, we must avoid approving of outward behavior and peace, at the cost of neglecting to continue to train their little hearts, even in big bodies. Non-believers can obey. Right? Nonbelievers can obey. But only believers can obey out of love for God.

Which begs the question, “Should I ask them to obey me if I know they're not even saved?” Well it says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Do you want your children to please the Lord? Then you teach them and you instruct them gently and patiently and in kind ways to obey you. And in that, they will be pleasing to the Lord. They will not be saved because they obey you. They will be saved by grace when they submit themselves to the direction of God and his Word. But you teach them what the Lord requires. You lay in front of them God's plan so that they can do that plan. It's even more important if your not sure if they're saved. You don't tell them they're saved at age three, and then they forget about it for the rest of their lives. Right? You tell them, “When you act this way you please God. When you did this thing for your brother or sister that's pleasing to the Lord.” Then you help them learn and understand how to please God. And you say, “Without faith, it's impossible to please God.” And so, you teach them what faith is and how they can submit themselves to God's grace, by his grace. But you continue to do this, so that the heart of your child is wooed to the Lord.

There's more instruction in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger” – Ephesians and Colossians go hand in hand through much of those two books – “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” So, as we instruct our children, they should hear Scripture. They should understand God's Words coming from us as we ask them to do things. And we help them not to just get through curriculum that's Bible-based. But to see Jesus in the Bible-based curriculum. Not to just honor their father and mother so that there's peace, but so that they may know the God of peace. And it's always this vehicle of how are we pointing them to Jesus? Moms and Dads, the goal is to present the Word of God to your children. To teach them, to disciple them with the Word of God. To let it always be on your lips. If you read them the Bible every day, it still needs to be on your lips at night, or in the morning, or during the middle of the afternoon. That's not a checkbox that's ever done. If you sing together, that's amazing. But we need to have psalms and hymns and spiritual songs continually on our lips to one another, right? So, if all we do is just correct them with the Word of God, what do they think about the Word of God? “That's what I don't want then.” Right? But we use it as a vehicle to show them their need for Jesus.

So, how do you encourage their heart? Let me give you some specific examples. We teach them the blessings of knowing and following Jesus Christ. Of eternity in heaven from Revelation 19. Of eternity forever in heaven with God. And you read Revelation 19 and you talk about it. “Son, what do you think about that? Daughter, what do you think about spending eternity in heaven?” And then they say, “Are we just going to have wings and play harps and float around on clouds.” And you say, “Well, angels don't ever have wings in Scripture, but the Cherubim do.” And you start giving them truth in palatable ways. You teach them about the wisdom to navigate this life with purpose, from the book of Proverbs. Instructions for my son. “Hear my son, the wisdom. Don't disregard the wisdom of your mother.” “Well, that's just your phrase.” “No, it's in Proverbs. It's written down for us. These are wise things for us to put into practice. They, more often than not, bring about great blessings in our lives, and they help us to live for God's glory.”

Teach them about praying all the time and how to pray from 1 Thessalonians 5. Teach them from Ephesians 4 and 5 about the joy of serving. The joy of serving the church, of giving to the church. Demonstrate your giving to your children. Let them see how you give above and beyond your ability, to the church. Let them see the sacrifice to God which is pleasing and abundant in your life. Let them see worship in the home, and not only in the church. And teach them those chapters, Ephesians four and five. That each and every member is to be equipped. Teach them the joy of a peace-filled family from John 15. Teach them the ability to have true self-control through the power of the Holy Spirit, Galatians 5. The world wants your child to think there are certain areas of life and certain responsibilities of life, where they do not have to take responsibility, they just need to take some medication. And they may need some medication, but that does not abdicate their responsibility. There is no “Get Out of Jail Free” card from sin. Teach them the ability to have true self-control through the power of the Holy Spirit from Galatians 5. Teach them the blessing of being one of God's children.

This Psalm, Psalm 1, is one of my favorite psalms in all of Scripture. And though there's many books, in the book of Psalms, Psalms is made up of many individual books collected together. Psalm 1 and Psalm 2 are a portrait of all of the Psalms. The redemption of man, and submission to the King in Psalm 2. And a portrait of the Christian life in Psalm 1. And this is a summation of the Christian life. This is where we want to live. Teach them about the blessings of living God's way.

Psalm 1:1–3 (ESV)
1 [How] Blessed [that’s the word “happy” here] is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
2 but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

But little children, that's my insert. Dear Christian,

Psalm 1:4–6 (ESV)
4 The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.
5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
6 for the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

In those six, very short verses, you see the pattern and the portrait of the entire Christian life. You can see snapshots like that all throughout the Old and New Testament. Of a life that is nourished and strong. If you’ve ever been to Northern California and you've seen the redwoods. You know what a strong tree looks like with fireproof bark. See, the bark is so thick that the outer part of the bark burns off and creates a barrier so that no more fire can get in because there’s no more fuel to burn it. And the first branch is 120 feet up. And it too is thick, it can hold a car. And these trees have roots systems that are continually nourished. They're around 2000 to 3000 feet up, and they get the moisture from the ocean that flows in and there's a mountain range there, the Sierras. And this moisture comes in and just continually circulates and it continually feeds these trees, and they grow season after season. And the smaller, weaker ones get burned up.

We want to be more like the redwoods. Strong and sturdy and nourished by the Word of God. As parents, we want our children to be strong and sturdy and nourished by the Word of God. So, we train up our children by giving them the truth and letting the truth change their hearts. The child must receive the Word to be changed by it. Our job is to continue to give it to them and demonstrate it in practice. A mature Christian heart turns to Jesus. A mature Christian heart asks for prayer and patience when they have a rough day. Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you…” Excuses for sin? No, “I will give you rest.”

Do you know the sweetness of Jesus? A father and mother can use their strength for the benefit of the child, their knowledge for the good of the child. Your loving words to build them up, to overflow in your treasure trove of Scripture to your children. A meal which is served nicely is much more inviting. When they can't reach the top shelf, we do that. I mean, just reaching something for them that they can't reach, they can see the difference. “My mom uses everything that she is to help me.” When they don't understand we go, “See you don't know as much as I do.” I’ve never said that. Just kidding. We use our knowledge for their benefit. When they can't provide for themselves, we gladly provide. When they don't know how to repent. They're not equipped for such things. We demonstrate it. When they don't know the way, we show them Jesus Christ. When their little hearts hurts, we apply the balm of God's Word. When they are disappointed, we point to Jesus and the joy that one can only have in him. And when they get older, they remember the plan’s never changed. My parents taught me that the plan doesn't change. The plan is just Jesus and worshiping him and living for him. That's the plan. Whether I'm young, whether I'm 80, whether I’m single, married, divorced, widowed, that's the plan.

So, what now? You go, “Okay, I want to put that plan into practice.” You know you should pray and trust God, submit yourselves to him. You know you should demonstrate to your children how to please the Lord. You know you should teach them what it means to walk according to Christ and his Word.

But what now? Let me give you three quick things as we finish up here. One: parents sit down and discuss the things about your family that honor God and what needs to change. Your family as a whole, your family as a whole. The big things. Then work on one aspect of that together. One aspect. It’s Shepherds Conference time, so there's always books in the air. These were in the library. But there are three books that are helpful for you. This one is, “Your Child's Profession of Faith.” What do I do when I don't think my child is saved but then they want to be baptized? What do I do when I don't think my child is saved, should I tell them they're saved? If they say the prayer, do I say now they're in eternity forever and they're good? What do I do with that? This book helps you digest God's Word and understand the answer.

This is a new one with a very gentle title called, “The War on Children,” by MacArthur. To help us understand the torrent of things that are coming at our children, whether they're homeschooled in your home, or not. All of the things that are coming against them, that will give you direction. And then this one called, “Word Filled Families,” by Dr. John Barnett, it's comprehensive. How do I develop a quiet time with my family? This will help you with that. And all of these are centered on the Scriptures and helping to explain the Scriptures to you. What are the roles of a husband and wife? What does this look like in the family? What should we aim for in our purpose as a family day in and day out? The “Word Filled Families,” book will help you digest that.

So that's the first thing, sit down and discuss what honors God in your family and what needs to change. And then pick one thing and work on that. Second, consider your children, specifically, each of your children. What areas of their lives, are they mature in Christ, and what areas need work? Okay, in what areas of their life are they mature in Christ and what areas need work? Then make a plan to help them grow in the Lord. If they don't know the Lord, your goal is to demonstrate Christ in those areas to them, maybe even without a word. Maybe they've heard enough words, right? That's that relational shift.

The third thing is to take stock of your own life. What areas in your life, specifically, are pleasing to the Lord? And you need to encourage yourself that God is at work in your life. Ask your spouse, what areas am I doing well? And then ask, what areas need to change? And make a plan for you, specifically. You make a plan for you to grow in conformity to Christ. Maybe it's like Christianity 101: Bible reading, and prayer, and consistency at church. Maybe it's understanding and developing a theology that would be a direct benefit to your children. But make a plan and ask your spouse for help. In all these things, if you need more help, come see myself, or Dustin, or Adam. We would love to sit down and talk with you and help you work on a plan.

Grace Bible Church, in these ways we give glory to God. And it is our great privilege to do so.

Let's pray.

Father God, we need your strength and your courage. We rejoice with the grace filled families. Lord, we also want to come alongside those that aren't doing well, that are struggling, batting 50/50. Lord, we want to be a help to each other. And be a light to each other, and to point people to Jesus, and to share the Word of God, the life-giving Word with each other.

Lord, we want our children to be saved. We pray that you would do a mighty work in their lives and bring them to Jesus Christ that they might confess their sins, confess you as Lord, and be saved by your grace. Help us to teach them it's not by works but by grace alone. Lord, bring that about in our families, in our children. Our parents who might not know you, our grandparents might not know you. Lord, help us to be a light in all of their lives. Lord, help us to be willing to change as well.

Lord, in all these things we need your grace to live for you, to love you. I just thank you for providing that treasure of wisdom and knowledge in your Word.

Let's just take a moment right now wherever you're at with the Lord. And ask him, right now, to help you to submit fully to God's plan for your lives.

Lord God, above all things, we pray that you would help us to live lives that are pleasing to you, for your glory, out of love for you. In your precious, Holy Name, Amen.