God's Plan for Wives

Open your Bibles, if you would, to Colossians 3:18. As an expositional preacher, we preach every word, we preach the whole counsel of God. And today, ladies, is your favorite verse. Men, next week is all about you. And then after that, on March 10, it'll be about parents. Let me just summarize the whole message upfront. When a woman submits to the loving leadership of her husband and follows God's intention for her, she is fulfilled, and so is the husband. Let me read the verse, Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

Let me just set the table here a little bit. The first thing we need to consider is God's designed for marriage. God's designed for marriage. The world is quite confused on this. And you'll notice all of this is cleared up in the first two chapters of the Bible: Genesis 1 and 2. So let me read for you Genesis 1:27-28, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” That is to man and woman. Then if you look down in Genesis 2:24, it says this, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

In these three verses we have a counter-cultural idea of man, of woman, of marriage, of life's purpose. But remember, your greatest fulfillment in life is to implement God's plan and design for your life. Whether you're single, married, widowed, divorced, happily married, in a sad state in marriage, or anything in between. But just to clear things up even further. A wife is a woman. That’s it. A husband is a man. It is biological. It is scientific. It is God determined. The birth certificates of some 7 billion people on the planet, just in the last 50 years would confirm this. Gender is not a preference. Playing dress up doesn't change your biology, nor does it change God's Word. Marriage then is between a man and a woman. We all enjoy this part. I know I'm preaching to the choir at this point, if we had a choir. We need to know that because culture is trying to not only deviate you from God's Word and God's plan, it's trying to construct something else. And not just get you to say it's okay for others. But they want you to agree that God's Word is bad and man's idea – I mean, they don't even know what a man and woman is anymore – is better, somehow. Of course, that is not the case. And we can see this clearly when we talk about it in these ways but it also comes out in other ways. These are the easy things for most Christians to agree on. It is some of the other things that are a little bit more difficult.

To continue, a homosexual marriage is not marriage. It is contrary to God's design and purpose. According to Romans 1:26-27. Your feelings don't change God's truth. We all need to remember this. We can see that clearly for what we think is a perversion of marriage, but when it comes to us, we need to remember that our feelings don't determine truth. And that is going to be seen as we think through this a little bit more. So in summary, God's design is for a man and a woman to enter into marriage, to have children, to leave their parents, to cling to each other, and to subdue the earth. You can see that clearly in chapters one and two of Genesis.

Now I can imagine that some of you are having a hard time in marriage. You may be thinking, this is the last sermon you ever wanted to hear, if you're the wife. Listen, the most perfect people ever created, outside of Jesus, were Adam and Eve. By chapter three, they had sinned so bad, God cursed the world. So you're not alone, in that things don't go the way you think they should go sometimes. Okay, so if Adam and Eve could so deviate, they only had one command. That's it. And they did have God speaking to them. And they still got it wrong. We know that we all have a long ways to go. You are not alone, if you're in a difficult season of marriage. I hope to show you today the beauty and the strength that is found in God's amazing plan for your marriage, and the roles of husbands and wives in marriage. If you're in a good marriage right now, in the sense that things are going well, then I ask you to pray for those who are having a difficult time. And remember, none of us have arrived. I haven't arrived, I have been married for 25 years, I have not arrived. And we still have work to do that is evident every single day of our lives in how we talk to each other, how we parent, how we think. We know that our focus must also be on Christ alone.

If you're married to an unbeliever, your calling is to demonstrate the gospel to him daily, with a quiet and submissive heart. Not obeying him over God, ever. But submitting to God. All of us are called to submit to God. And it is a very difficult situation. You though have the privilege of being the greatest light of the gospel in your spouse's life. It is the same thing that we strive for in all of society to be a great light of the gospel to anyone that we’re around Christian or non-Christian. And so, in that way we can empathize with you. But we pray for you, and we care for you, and we pray God's strength for you.

If you're single, listen carefully, very carefully to this message and next week’s, in particular. And the one after that, on March 10th as well, about parents and relationships and children and such. Much better to learn to swim before you jump in the deep end. And everyone who has been married for more than five minutes says, “Amen,” right? Okay, so single people, don't check out.

Ladies, let me ask you a question. Before you got married, before you got married, what did you expect out of marriage? Many people have a utopian idea of marriage. And five minutes later, you know that doesn't exist anymore. But you fall in love. You get butterflies in your stomach – and just at the sight of this godly chiseled man created just for you. And he will serve you verbal delicacies, lavish your heart with Scripture. And never have an unkind word, thought, or deed. Now there’s not anything wrong with that if you're reading some romance novel or something. Men should love and cherish their wives. They should care for her every need, every need. Look out for their best interests, protect her, and lead the family spiritually. But they too need to grow into their role. Newly planted seeds might spring up quit but they need a lot of nourishment to grow. Read Psalm chapter one. Right? [Psalm 1:3] The tree firmly planted by streams of water yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither. But it’s got to be firmly planted. So men should do these things, according to Ephesians five, these things are appropriate. They provide for their wives and their families, they protect them. Those are the basics. They do so out of great love for their wives. You should pray for those things for your husband to come true in your life. Today, even before the service, that God would do an amazing, wonderful work in their lives. Just as he prays for you. This is God's design. And we need to have that foundation set, the design.

Second, we need to understand what is the key to a godly marriage as we think about this. And let me just give you the key to a godly marriage up front, okay, if you want a godly marriage, there's just one thing you need to do. Submit yourself to God 100%. That's it. Now let me read this a little differently. Submit YOURSELF to God 100%. Notice the first word there [Colossians 3:18], “wives.” Wives. “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” This is a key to your part in a godly marriage. What does God require of me? What does God expect of me? Every single counseling situation starts the same {gestures pointing at the other person}. That's what happens. Right? And we know because we do that. We want to defend ourselves. And we want to say, you know, we know God doesn't make mistakes, but… Right? And then we just start pouring it out there. And there are issues. We've all certainly got issues. But we need to see what is God's design here. What is in view here for wives? To change themselves. That's the only person you can change, by the way. You can't change your spouse. You can pray night and day. God can change them. But you can only change yourself. And as you're listening to this message, you're going to hear principles that are consistent through many aspects of life, and they're also true for marriage.

But you say, there must be more than just submission here because this is going to be a long sermon if that's all we're talking about. Well, thank you for asking. There is more. Remember the context. This is one of the most beautiful passages of the Christian life. It just reveals what godly living looks like and it's like Disneyland for the Christian (Disney 20 years ago). Look at Colossians 3:12-17, this is the context, “Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. [Verse 16] Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Then, then it says, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” See, context is now your favorite thing, isn't it? It sets up this verse which may be difficult to take at times. But it is not without a beautiful context. It is not without a path for wives to work on and husbands alike. To create this situation which brings about God's glory in all of its magnificence in the only relationship that represents Christ and the Church on earth, marriage. So, it's not just submit to your husband, which we'll discuss further in a moment. It's put on compassion, kindness, and patience. All of these things that were mentioned, these godly traits. And listen, they're summarized in this one verse. All of the things that we need to do in life are summarized in Colossians 3:17, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” It's always pointing back to Christ: the strength to live for him, the glory to bring to him in everything that we do, whether you're single, widowed, divorced, married. All of these things, they’re characteristics and everything that you do, it's to give glory to God. That is the main purpose of your marriage.

Adam and Eve were created in the garden, before the Fall. Eve was created as a helpmate to Adam as a companion. His role will discuss next week, in depth. It's to protect and provide, to lovingly lead. It creates a relationship that is inviting to a wife to a woman, very inviting. And if you're going through all those ways your spouse sins against you right now just remember to forgive as Christ forgave you. Keep that in view as we're going through this, but God's plan is really good. It's really good. Listen, when God's glory is the focus, submission becomes desirable. Submission becomes desirable. Why? Because that's God's plan. And as a Christian, you want God's plan for you to be fulfilled, right?

There was a British statesman named Cecil Rhodes. His fortune was used to endow world famous scholarships. And he was a stickler for correct attire, to wear the right things, but not at the expense of someone else. So he was throwing a great party for his friends and invited people over and a young man had to travel a long way by train just to get there. And he got his attire dirty on the way there and then he shows up at this ball and all of the people are dressed in their finest attire, and this grand room. And he has to come in because he can't be late so he doesn't have time to change. And he walks in, and Mr. Rhodes sees him. And Mr. Rhodes dismisses himself, and he comes out a little while later, in his worst suit. In his shabby blue suit. Later, the young man just learned that the host was dressed in fine clothes. But seeing this young man come out, he decided to go and change to take the shame for himself.

You see, our lives are not about ourselves. And when they are, when they are, nothing will satisfy us. When our lives are centered on ourselves, nothing will satisfy us. We will be like a wave tossed to and fro, theologies will confuse us, life patterns will confuse us. Friendships will be confusing, relationships will be confusing, everything will be confusing because we think that somehow everyone else is missing the plan for our lives. But our lives are not for ourselves, right? We're bought with a price. We live for the glory of Christ, we live for his name to be exalted, and we take an insult for the glory of God. We take the hard situations, and we live inside those situations for the glory of God. It's easy to skip down the street when the sun is shining, isn't it? But when life is difficult, and you still have this smile, and this joy, and this unshakable countenance on you. And it's like, “Why is that woman so strong? Why is she so happy? Why is her countenance unshakable?” It's because of Christ. And so sometimes we have to take the hard road, the difficult road. Just like Jesus. After teaching his disciples for three years, after teaching them for three years, day in and day out, then he washed their feet. Did they not know that he came to seek and to save sinners and to be the servant of all? Was that surprising for the servant of all to then serve them to?

He submitted himself to the Father's plan, he was not less than them. Ladies, your role does not diminish who you are before God. You are a co-heir with Christ. You will inherit eternity, you will enjoy eternity, you will be glorified like any man will be at the sight of Christ. You will be lifted up, you will be blessed. You will walk on the same street of gold. But Jesus, like you, had a different role. That does not mean he is less. We would not say Jesus is insignificant or demeaned, because it was he who was on the cross and not the Father. We would not say that at all. You are important. You are to be cherished. Living for Christ must come through in marriage in every way. And men, we need to make it easier on them not harder. Yet, we also learned something else in Genesis chapter three. After the Fall, the Lord was doling out the curses to not only mankind but also the earth. And in Genesis 3:16, “To the woman he said, ‘I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.’” And then he said this, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

Now later in Genesis 4:6-7, we find Cain struggling with his sacrifice to God not being accepted and he's angry. And the same phrase is used in this passage about Cain. “The LORD said to Cain,” in Genesis 4:6, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.” Same wording, for the wives to have a desire contrary to their husband. But he shall rule over you. It is natural to want to take over where you see deficiencies, ladies. It is natural to want to do that, to step up and defend. But we don't see that as part of God's plan. And when we do, when men do as well, we follow sin not the Lord. Sin plan, so to speak, according to Genesis three and four, for the wife to rule. But God's plan is for the husband. Again, the husband, who has quite a few verses coming next week, is called to love his wife. But he is in the position of leadership.

And if you're in a difficult marriage or difficult situation, or this sounds like you're describing Utopia again, when it doesn't exist, and I just can't do that I just step up when there are deficiencies and I don't know how to be all of those things in Colossians three. Well, that's why we need Jesus. And you have an incredible strength, ladies, in the Lord. He wants to invigorate you with his power to live according to his plan. Paul understood this in his own ministry, he spoke of it earlier in Colossians 1:28. Paul is giving his, a summary of his whole life, his whole life calling from God. He says, “Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.” Now how many people love to be admonished? Me neither. That was Paul's job: proclaim Christ and make mature disciples. And when they need a little sharpening and sparks fly, “Paul, you're supposed to do that. Don't you just love your calling, Paul? This is what you're supposed to do for the whole planet, for everyone.” He preached to Jews, they rejected him. He went on to preach Christ to the Gentiles. Right? But the power to live God's way is in Colossians 1:29. He says, “For this I toil,” – I take on everything God has called me to do, “for this” – what he just said in Colossians 1:28 – his purpose, I take that on. I struggle with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

This is a principle of the Christian life. That when we are trying to put in place God's calling on our life, God's demands on our lives, God's direction for us. He gives us the power and the energy to do it. Not just like a little flickering light bulb but like the power of the sun. Paul's calling is in verse 28. The power to live out the calling is in verse 29. Ladies, do you know that power in your life? Does that give you hope? Paul needed a lot of help. And Jesus gave it to him. Do you need a lot of help? Jesus will give it to you. He will give you the help you need, all the help you need. It's in Christ. It's not in a reformed husband. It's in Jesus. That's better. It would be great to have a perfect husband. But he won't be perfect until Heaven. But you can have perfect Jesus now. A good marriage has a focus on conforming ourselves to God's image and relying on his power.

So, let's get to the good part of this verse, right? What it means to submit. I know you've been waiting for that, and I know I've lost all humor at this point. But the text still remains. Submit means to yield. It means to accept direction from someone else, to subject yourself to another. Not to obey. That's for children to parents, different word. But to submit it has the idea of a willing submission, like the willing sacrifice on the cross. That kind of willingness. It is that kind of submission that we're looking at here. It is the idea of: I willingly I purposefully, I freely – because of who God is in my life – put myself in this role. It's not, I put myself in it because it's been mandated – though it has. It's this, I'm giving myself over to the Lord. You'll see this again and again, it's to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22-23 says this, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church, his body, and is himself, its Savior.” Notice how much Christ is in this passage. [Ephesians 5:24] “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” You thought Colossians 3:18 was bad. But we should not call the Word of God bad. You're supposed to submit to your husband in the same way you would submit to Christ, that's the parallel here. That's the parallel. The husband is the head of the wife in the same way Christ is head of the church. The parallel is that wives submit to their husband to the same extent that the church submits to Christ. It is not difficult to understand, it's just difficult to practice.

But I want you to know that it's not like wives are the only ones with this type of command upon them in their lives. In Colossians 3:19, husbands are to submit to God's plan to love their wives. This is unconditional love. Colossians 3:20, children must submit to their parents. And it uses a greater command to “obey” their parents. Colossians 3:22, servants are to submit to their masters. Colossians 3:24 and following, we see that God is Master over all of us. Lest we think our position takes God out of being Master over all of us. When you look at Romans 13:1-7, we're all supposed to submit ourselves to the government. Right? You see these things in practice, and this is the way that God has designed things. You even see submission unto each other. Most pastors when they preach Ephesians 5, they start in verse 21. They are very smart when they start in Ephesians 5:21, it says, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” And they try sometimes to say, “See, that's the start of the marriage passage.” But really, that's the end of how we're all supposed to relate to each other.

There is this submission. Philippians 2:3 says it's we consider others as better than ourselves. So, it's not just that one particular group has a role to play. This is how everyone is supposed to live, when they are living according to the Holy Spirit. It's an others-first mentality. And this overflows out of our reverence for Jesus Christ. You see, the world wants to tell you only to be kind when a kind word is spoken to you. Stones thrown means you get to throw stones back. “He’s just walking all over me. I can't be a doormat.” No one's calling you to be a doormat. The Bible is calling you to revere Christ. And because of that, to live for God's glory. There is another nuance to submission, as we consider what it means to submit. It's to their own husbands, to their own husbands. This is a deeper, more tender, gentle, loving relationship with boundaries and blessings that other relationships do not have. It is a deeper, more tender, gentle, loving relationship with boundaries and blessings that other relationships do not have. This is the good plan of God. Men, you know how to be praying for your wives Colossians three. Ladies, you know how to be praying for your husbands, it's Colossians three.

The biggest clarification here is “as is fitting to the Lord.” As is fitting to the Lord, Colossians 3:18. This remembers the context. And Paul has already described what is fitting. But we want to keep a few things in view as we think through this because it has gone haywire over the last two millennia. A few things to remember as you consider what “as is fitting in the Lord” means. One: it means he cannot ask you to sin, ladies. And if he does, then you are free to not do what he has asked you to do. Two: he is the leader of the family. And we've had a few really good lessons on that in Grace Equip, you can listen to, recently. I've also preached through Ephesians chapter five, verse by verse, phrase by phrase, you can listen to that.

But it's really important that you don't think you're less valuable. That's what the world is trying to say. The Church teaches women that they're less valuable. I don't see that. I don't see that as what Scripture is saying. The fear is that he's going to get away with something. That he's somehow going to be able to sin because well, I just need to submit to his bad decisions, his unkindness. No you can rebuke sin, be careful of the timing, you can rebuke sin. But remember God said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord.” So, we leave those things up to the Lord. And we also don't try and become the Holy Spirit in our spouse's life. And we'll talk about this a little bit more next week too. We don't try and convinct each other of sin 24/7. That's just miserable. Remember, though, the Lord gave the Holy Spirit to convict the world of sin, righteousness – because Jesus was going to the Father – and judgment. So, the Holy Spirit is there to guide us all of the time. And so we need not to be fearful of those things, ladies.

Let me give you a few examples of God taking care of wives in Scripture. See if you would think this is a good plan. Consider Ruth. Right? A Moabite. The enemies of the Israelites. God at one point would tell the Israelites to wipe them out and they didn't. But they were the enemies. And so Ruth has this opportunity to go back as a widow with her new mother-in-law, her husband passed away. To go live with the sworn enemies of her people. She's following God's plan though. You see how that relates now? She was still trusting herself to God before the plan was fully revealed. And then as the plan is fully revealed, it's way better than she could have ever imagined. That’s Ruth.

Think about Sarah, you know, Abraham's wife. The father of many nations, the one to whom all nations will be blessed, Abraham. He had some pretty crazy ideas. In Genesis 20 he devised a plan so that his wife, who was so incredibly beautiful, that she would become part of the king’s harem. To protect his own skin. I mean, can you imagine the prayers she had at that point? God, this is the best man we got? This is the one through whom the covenants were promised, right in Genesis 12. Repeated in 15. Repeated in chapter 17. This is your plan? I'm not saying that's a good plan, guys, to ask your wives to do that. But nonetheless, she was entrusting herself to God, she didn't really have a choice at that point. God protected her and Abraham. This was a seriously bad idea of Abraham’s. He put his wife's life in danger. He put all kinds of other things in danger for her, possibly to never have them be together again. But God had amazing and wonderful plans.

And here's the point of this one. Man's plans can never supersede God's plans. You can't ruin God's plan. I mean, this was a terrible idea that God ended up letting the king know this was a terrible idea. He protected her. He protected Abraham. And they went away more blessed. We should not think God does not see us. We should not think God does not care about us. We should not think God's arm is too short to save us from our situation. That, “God, your calling is too high for me. And by the power of the Spirit, I don't even think I can live the way you've called me to.” We should not think these things. And the things in the Old Testament were written for our example. Right, that we shouldn't repeat history the way they did. That we should think through God's lovingkindness, even in their tragedies and their trials. And they had great tragedies and great trials.

1 Peter 3:6 says, “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” Connect that with that frightening situation. Now, men, don't go home and say, “Pastor Dave said, “You should be calling me ‘lord.’” That's not what we're talking about here. And notice it says and you are her children, not if you call your husband, ‘lord.’ But if you do good and are not frightened. We don't fear anything because we know God is in control. Sarah fully entrusted her life to God in ways that we could never imagine.

Think of Mary, think of Mary. Gives birth to Jesus. The greatest blessing conferred on any woman alive. Giving birth to Jesus Christ. Also became a slur on her. Right? It looked like she had committed adultery. The story would follow Jesus in his life. Right? And so, she had the choice every single day of her life to continue to say, “No, the Holy Spirit made this happen. I am living the way God wants me to.” At the laughs, the snickers, all of the demeaning things that were said about her, her family, her children, her marriage – her entire life. And she said she was blessed of the Lord. Sometimes it's just perspective, a godly perspective that we need.

And you say, “Yeah, but you don't know my husband.” I know. 1 Peter 3:1-3 says, “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word.” Don’t you love how Scripture says these things as if, even if one of you has a husband that doesn't obey the Word? Could be speaking of unbelievers. But all husbands fall into this category too. “They may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” Your respectful and pure conduct is the conduit for your husband to see godly living. Men, same way for you in reverse. Your loving leadership as the conduit for your wives, to be cherished, to be built up, to have a foundation on Scripture, and to have a foundation on God. To not point them to yourself, point them to Jesus, to let them know that Jesus is strong enough to get you and her through anything. That you are aware of that you have issues and problems and that you need to be sharpened and to demonstrate this.

And if, wives, you're married to an unbeliever, then again, your respectful and pure conduct is what they need to see. Why? Because that exalts Christ. Everything we do in life is to exalt Christ. And wives, I want to tell you, don't listen to the culture. Listen to God and his truth. “How do you convince,” one author says, “a disobedient husband that Christianity is a transforming reality? You do it by a transformed life.” According to Colossians three, what ensues gives glory to God. What ensues is harmony. When they're both doing it, perfect harmony, but you can get 50% of the way there. Love ensues. A piece that rules your heart ensues. Forgiveness ensues. Harmony.

Dear wives, you are precious in God's sight. God's plan is for you to be fulfilled and loved and cared for. It's his plan that he's given you with a specific goal. I pray for each one of us that a God honoring, abundant, fulfilling marriage will be yours in Christ.

Let's pray.

Father God, we come to you and with the desire to live for you, to love you. We pray for courage, Lord, for those in difficult marriages. We pray for the single ladies as they consider what this word means and the implications it has on their lives and what they look for in a godly husband. We pray Lord God for the men who are married, that you would help us to live up to the standard you have called us to. That we may honor you and make it easy for our wives to rejoice.

Lord, we pray for the single men that they would submit themselves to your will and give themselves over to your plan of loving servant leadership. Lord God, in all these things, in all the other situations, we pray that your name would be high and lifted up. That we would know what it means to live, and to toil, and to vibrantly live by your power.

Lord God, help us to love one another, to be the body of Christ to one another, and to hold each other up, to pray for one another, to build one another up in fellowship. Lord God, we beg you to bring these things about in our lives. And for the marriages that are going well, we praise God for those. We praise God that you are shining forth, Lord, in these marriages. Through the husbands and wives that are putting these things into practice as best as any two sinful people could.

We pray, Lord God, that you would bring that about, that our church would be known for strong marriages. Let's just take a moment right now and ask God, no matter what stage of life you're in, that we might humbly submit to him and live a fulfilling life.

Dear God, do a mighty work in us for your glory. Amen.